no title again.

hmm long time haven't writing. bukan tak ada benda nak share, cuma masa tu terbatas. dah 2 hari aku temankan ayah. lepas magrib je mesti ayah dah panggil, semalam hantar ayah pergi klinik, dia sesak nafas, ayah baru je seminggu keluar hospital, maybe next week masuk balik, emm nak cerita panjang-panjang pun susah, nanti ada orang kata aku ni menagih simpati la apa la,

cuma aku rasa terkilan ayah muda lagi, tapi dah macam-macam sakit, pergerakan terbatas, nak jalan pun susah, nak bernafas susah. sedih tau. bila duduk dalam kereta berdua dengan ayah, cerita sikit, terbatuk, cakap lagi dada dah sesak sesak macam baru lepas lari pecut ke apa.

yang pasti doctor kata pinggang ayah ada 20 percent lagi je berfungsi. so berserah la pada Allah yang tentukan apa akan jadi masa akan datang.


second day temankan ayah keluar. aku tanya ayah nak pergi mana. ayah jawab ayah pun tak tahu nak pergi mana, jalan jelah mana-mana..
serious time tu bergenang je air mata ni. tp berjaya tahan n buat2 senyum. aku kan pelakon handalan. ayah kata jom kita makan bubur nak? kat mana yang sedap yee.. aku pun jawab emm kat seksyen 7 ada. ayah pun ajak makan dekat kopitiam ahma kat bukit raja. aku pun temankan ayah makan, ayah mkn sikit je, aku yang kena habiskan. ayah memang tak boleh makan byk and minum pun tak boleh banyak, 1 badan ayah bengkak penuh air. urat sume dah tersumbat, semua tu disebabkan buah pinggang dah tak berapa nak function. sehari ayah limit boleh minum 800ml air je. emm korang bayangkan betapa beruntungnya kita yang sihat ni boleh minum berapa banyak kita suka, cuma kita je tak nak, tapi ayah dah tak boleh minum banyak, air penuh bertakung dalam badan.


banyak nasihat ayah bagi. and juga cerita-cerita dia untuk pengajaran aku. lepas je makan ayah ajak aku jalan-jalan kat pekan port klang. emm time tu dah malam, tak ada apa yang menarik pun cuma ayah tunjuk la, dulu kat sini la hari-hari ayah lalu pergi keja. dulu kat sini la ayah maakn dengan kawan ayah.. dulu tempat ni estate kerajaan, sekarang dah nak buat kawasan perumahan.. dulu.. dulu.. semua ayat ayah ada dulu...

ye ayah, kakak faham, dulu ayah sihat.

ayah kata bila ayah fikir balik kan, sekejap je masa berlalu, ayah ingat lagi time mula-mula ayah masuk darjah satu, pakai seluar pendek pergi sekolah, atuk kau hantar.. sekarang ayah dah ada anak besar-besar. dunia ni kejap je kakak.. ayah pun tak tahu berapa lama lagi boleh hidup. kalau hidup pun susah.

ayah pesan. dalam hidup ni kita kena buat pilihan yang betul. kena berjaga-jaga. mnusia ada banyak jenis. ada yang baik dan yang tak. ada yang baik didepan, ditangan ada pisau. ada yang baik. tapi mulutnya jahat. macam-macam lah ayah dah macam dr. fazilah kamsah.

satu ayat ayah yang penuh makna bagi aku is...
kalau break kereta rosak, jangan panik. tarik handbreak pelan pelan.

benda tu sebenarnya tak ada kaitan dengan kereta. apa yang aku faham, bila kita ada konflik dengan sesiapa, cara yang terbaik gunakan budi bicara selain daripada kekasaran. emm agaknya lah, sebab macam no point ayah tiba-tiba nak cakap pasal break la apa.

benda yang menggembirakan aku sekarang ialah melihat keluarga bahagia. bak kata ayah, duit banyak kalau tak sihat pun tak ada makna.

ayah pun ada pesan pasal pasangan hidup. kalau boleh cari pasangan yang betul-betul, sebab kita kalau boleh mesti nak kahwin sekali je, mana ada orang nak kahwin sampai 2 3 kali. kalau nak pilih, carilah yang sayang keluarga kita sekali, bukan sayang kita je.

lagi..
emmm bukan senang nak jadi senang. ayah dulu pun susah, hantar kami adik beradik 3 orang naik motor pergi sekolah walaupun hujan.tapi rezeki tuhan nak bagi, bila-bila masa dia boleh bagi, yang penting ada usaha. itu pesan ayah.

dan macam-macam lagi ayah pesan. time ayah cakap tu, satu persatu aku cuba pegang. sampai aku rasa takut nak berhadapan dengan masa akan datang. sebab masa depan nanti, belum tentu aku mampu nk laksanakan apa yang ayah pesan.

aku berdoa ayah akan stabil, sebab kalau nak sihat macam orang lain tu memang agak susah. aku harap mampu balas apa yang ayah pernah bagi. aku taknak fikir pasal benda lain terlampau banyak. tanggungjawab aku besar. sekarang baru aku faham kenapa eja dengan nad pernah cakap nak ada harta dulu baru fikir kahwin. sekarang aku dapat rasa dan faham.

kadang-kadang fikiran celaru. kenapa hah. baru 22 tahun. janganlah fikir sangat. cuma aku takut apa yang aku lalui sekarang akan menjadi sia-sia. aku takut itu je. aku insan biasa, aku nak kepastian.

sampai di sini sahaja luahan hati cik pikun.

sihat

emm internet ni sumpah lembap pulak kan, tp takpe, as long as bila bukak fb ada notification, bila bukak blog tengok kawan2 semua update aku SUKA. it easier for me to know wht they do, where they go, wht is interested activity they did without me... heheh kan kan. takpe, make sure next week aku nak balas dendam mari kita keluar bersama2.


rasanya not too late to say am happy been home. I mean rumah sendiri, because rumah terbest ialah rumah sendiri, kan. semoga semester depan akan lebih bermakna since I decide to stay at home je, ulang alik. habiskan duit isi minyak kereta. nope la, its just I've been bored to rent house, I love my room, I love to be with my adik beradik, nak marah ke nak gaduh senang, sebab lepas dua tiga saat akan berckap balik, differ from friend, sebab aku ni jenis tak suka lepas walaupun aku tahu benda tu tak baik, tapi aku tak reti, aku cuma reti buat expression muka je bila ada problem. so the best solution is tinggal je kat rumah, seronok dengar mak sendiri marah daripada dengar orang lain mrh kita. betul tak..


berbalik kepada tujuan asal am here to tell people about body checkup yang aku buat 2 minggu lepas. actually aku telah interfere dalam sesi eja dengan promoter produk kesihatan tu, it was at tesco sungai petani baru, dia propose eja untuk buat test blood, weight, metabolism and mcm2 la, and tak lupa water dalam body kita. emm aku ni dengr je pasal weight memang kalau boleh nak lari jauh2. I hate timbang.

so lepas dia dah check eja semua, dia pun bagitau condition badan eja and aku tiba-tiba tertarik nak tahu condition badan aku umur berapa.


check punya check. hahah. am so proud to be me now. water dalam badan GOOD. Paras yang sangat baik, siap kena puji aku mesti rajin minum air masak, memang. okay berbaloi la selama ni aku minum teguk berbotol2.

fat? terkejut tak kalau aku bagitahu, orang tu kaata aku tak ada lemak tak tepu. means semua lemak aku ialah lemak yang berguna. dekat perut aku tu bukan lemak dia kata, thats isi. wah wah aku excited kot.

tulang? KUAT. sangat fit katanya. adoi betul ke apa yang keluar dari mulut dia ni.

metabolism??
cuba teka metabolism aku umur berapa. dengan bangga nya aku punya badan ni sebenarnya umur 17 tahun. hahah sweet seventeen weh.

aku pandang eja and was like haha, you can be my mum because eja punya metabolism jeng jeng jeng.. haha takpayah habaq la. sensitif.

so, aku pun cakap, tapi kenapa berat saya berat? haha. soalan agak bodoh disitu. yelah, aku jogging ber round round.. minum air bergelen-gelen, tapi bila timbang susah sgt nak turun, kadang-kadang bila orang tegur aku kurus, aku timbang kan, berat still sama.

dan jawapan yang aku perolehi ialah.
aku berat tulang. dia kata tulang aku besar, tak boleh nak compare dengan orang tulang kecik. mereka nampak kurus tapi tak sihat sebenarnya. hehe. lepas je dengar orang tu cakap macam tu memang sikit pun aku tak diet dah sbb she said my weight can't loose anymore, means dah stop and maintain mcm tu. so dia pesan jangan risau, sebenarnya kita tak boleh measure body kita melalui berat.

okay that's all membebel for today. so nasihat aku, start lah minum air byk banyak. air putih ye, bukan air bercolour tu.

tak sangka usaha aku selama ni berhasil. walaupun berat tak turun, tapi aku sihat. Alhamdulillah. :))

aku rasa apa yang kau tak rasaa

susah la nak cakap sebab apa yang kau cakap semua tak betul, semua yang kau cakap tak boleh pakai. apa yang kau cakap orang tak akan peduli. kau macam tak boleh nak decide apa yang kau mahu. apa yang kau rasa. semua kau kena follow je.

ibarat sedih, tapi air mata tak ada untuk kesedihan kau ni. susah la nak cakap.

sekarang ni kau diam jelah. biar orang lain je yang cakap. biar je dia buat keputusan. sebab kau sapa? kau kena ikut je, function kau sekarang follow je. they dictated to do anything they desired to be. while you are person just can keep quiet, not allowed to release wht you feel.

senang cakap macam ni la, aku nak bumbung sendiri, segan la berteduh menumpang lama dahhhh ni. aku ada muka untuk di malu. aku bukan budak kecik lagi. cubalah faham. aku nak apa yang aku nak.

tapi nak buat macam like wht I said early, tak boleh nak bercakap, sebab apa kau cakap semua tak betul. semua nya kosong. macm tin kosong.

biarlah dia buat keputusan, dia kan PAKAR.

bye uitm kedah

Actually I've been too tired to writing. it might be something that I would to share

setiap pertemuan ada perpisahan, dan macam mana cara kita nak menghadapi perpisahan itu lagi-lagi bila dah sayang..

I've been at UiTM kedah for 4 years and it quiet a number that have valuable memory I leaving there. frankly speaking, I do miss UiTM Kedah. mungkin aku akan datang untuk hantar anak aku masuk belajar pulak ke lagi 20 tahun kan. mesti banyak perubahan. aku akan rindu banyak benda kat kedah ni. will talk about it later.

shah alam, here I come. mesti am like so lampi dan janggal berada di Uitm shah alam, mesti hectic hari-hari kena naik bus pergi class. emm not decide yet either would to stay with my friends or just stay at home with family. lagipun rumah tak jauh. cuma masalah flyover kat klang tu yang tak siap2 membuatkan traffic jam. tambah2 time pagi kan. peak hour. orang nak pergi kerja tu. so will decide later, kena try dulu and refer pada timetable class. hopefully class tak berapa nak pagi sangat. takpe, lagipun I cuma 1 sem je nak kena menghadapi kesesakan ke class kan. 1 sem bukan lama pun, pejam celik pejam celik. dah habis. fly fly fly. Insyaallah. amin amin...


to all my friends, lecturer, and whoever know me at kedah. I apologize if any mistake I've done sama ada sedar mahupun tidak. minta halal semuanya. to lecturer, minta halal ilmu semua. to classmate and housemate, all of you are the greatest friends I ever met. ada apa-apa inform la, kahwin ke, tunang ke, keep in touch. to my special friends, FAEZAH SAMSUDIN. thanks being supportive and nice friend to me, although we just a friend only 1 year, I felt like 100 thousand year know you because you teach me many thing, you always be my side. Iam proud of you.


whatever it is. kedah is still and will always be the best in my heart and soul. I LOVE UITM KEDAH,

;(

ilham domok

Adik, dengar cerita kau bertambah gemuk, tunggu kakak balik minggu depan, nak terajang pipi kau. miss u much adik.

ps: jgnlah gemuk sangat adik. kena diet. nanti susah nak sunat. ;b

how release your anger?

I went to CIMB bank accompanied eja to close her account. and a minutes later, time aku tengah duduk suddenly one of the customer, age around 50, pakcik, meninggikan suara. I thought he was make a joke or kebisaan orang kedah kan cakap kasar and aku ingatkan biasa je, lepas tu pakcik tu asyik ulang and repeat the word bangang-bangang kepada staff yang incharge customer service yang tolong tekan kn number untuk dia tu. I was like what happen, everyone was look at this pakcik, but, am not show my concerned on that situation, buat mcm nothing happen, picit-picit keypad handphone. haha memang pandai berlakon. tapi dada berdebar-debar kot, kakak customer service tu asyik ulang ckap minta maaf pakcik, minta maaf, tak perasaan, something like that. dan pakcik tu dengan ulangan bangang, and bangang, with his bengis face. what I can conclude is, the kakak was give the wrong number to the pakcik, since the wrong number given, the pakcik have to wait long time just to make payment of his car, the number with his is for open account or waiting to apply loan if am not mistaken because those want to open account have to wait lama sikit compared dengan yang nak buat payment, cash kan cheque or deposit money kan. so I think this pakcik maybe tunggu lama and heran why he have to wait padahal kitaorang yang baru datang ni terus kena panggil number.

this pakcik terus ke kaunter dan bertanya, kakak yang jaga kaunter tu told that pakcik number is not mix the purpose. apa lagi. berang la pakcik tu terus melulu ke arah customer service counter dan ber-bangang bangang.

I thought if I were in that girl shoes. kena marah macam tu, sure meleleh dah. lepas tu diam je. malu woh.

being a manusia ni, memang macam-macam ragam kan, kadang-kadang kita memarahi and in other situation, we will be be angry by other party. kalau tak tahan macam mana nak kerja?

lagi satu kan is, how you manage anger? adakah dengan cara memarahi orang kita dapat memuaskan hati? adakah dengan cara dapat memalukan orang kita rasa puas puas. macam tu ke?

or 1 lagi cara, menulis comment yang bukan-bukan dalam c-box orang and biarkan orang lain baca. rasa best ke?

fikir lah. sebenarnya dalam situasi dalam bank tadi, I rasa, beliau telah memalukan diri beliau sendiri. orang akan fikir ohhhh this is the low mind of people, langsung tak ber-berhave. dah lah yang dimarah tu perempuan. atau mungkin, dengan fikiran positive nya kita boleh fikir, maybe that pakcik ada masalah besar dan terbawa-bawa ke dalam bank.

itu je, akhirnya, purpose I wrote this is to share how embarrassing being in that position. dimarahi di depan orang. and please behave in the public because we living in the community, have an ethical, despite sometimes rasa nk marah, tp kena jaga air muka dan maruah orang jugak kalau tak nak maruah sendiri tercemar.

tiba-tiba teringat zaman bercinta dulu time sekolah menengah , gaduh dengan boyfriend. kena marah kat bustand depan orang ramai. sumpah wa malu.

baca ni, baca ni

Isnin ni I ada test, supposedly kena study tak boleh nak blogging lagi dah, tadi siang dah mengarut banyak kan, but, I've to mention this as useful information for those who participate in the short course kan. haha, padahal semua dah tahu, aku je yang lambaaaattt. what the best news I heard. I am blissful to say, we still have an opportunities to burst our CPA, again yar my friends, GPA, as we taking the short course, it would add up the pointer with semester 4 result. not next semester. aku ingat dia tambah next sem. haha. betapa lapang dada. I was like, calculate terus kan if it possible to get DL if I manage to obtain A's for both paper am taking. yes kawan-kawan, yes... I am happy to give my hope towards the short course paper. ada dua. channel marketing and marketing communication. cuma aku harap jadual exam bukan pagi dan petang. mintak-mintak ada gap, maksudnya hari yang lain.

friends, please pray for me, I do hope for Dean list.

tapi aku takut kecewa lagi. aku usaha, selebihnya aku berserah. belajar dari kesilapan lalu. kegagalan itu adalah satu permulaan untuk sebuah kejayaan. (adaptasi ayat ustaz pagi tadi. kat channel9, rancangan tanyalah ustaz)

dah nak study, isnin ada test, selasa kena tunjuk assignment, khamis ada test lagi. cepat betul short course ni. nama pun short course. 1 weeks left to finish. hoho. take a deep breath.

byebyebyebye :))




once you get it, it would disappointed if you fail to grab it again.

result kes

haha. finally I change my layout and found this is the best and interest layout which I like it most. ada burung terbang-terbang. so peaceful like living in freedom and convenience area, shows how time go flies. indeed, it was meaningful and took me high interested on that. okay dah enough membebel pasal layout. actually honest to say, I ni jenis buta IT. or I've no interest on upload or download or else to explore on layout layout ni. memang tak ah. when I was sign in just now, there's up the new layout provided and took me interest to look in.


emm talking about result. hehe. senyum kambing dulu, my result fall into 3.## compared to last time I managed to get DL. I was like oh, so upset and disappointing with that, I hope something more but unfortunately it come with something worst. for people information, I never check result exam by my self. memang gemuruh, everysemester my result will be checked by my superd intelligent friends, amalina padang. I received her msg at 13.25 a.m, already sleep and suddenly wake when heard the msg. I read your msg twice weh, before realize yes am not dreaming. huh. mengeluh jugak time tu, it difficult to get sleep back after know my result. GGPA drop to 3. ## . I thought of effort am given for last semester. rewind back how struggle am I to study managerial eco and Marketing research. bukan nak cakap susah, kalau susah tak kan ada orang manage to get an A on it kan. so, I call it my mistake, might be no focus or overconfident. indeed, am pissed off. sedih tapi tak keluar air mata. and then I asked her result? I mengeluh for second. am proud with her, WOWWWW. macam mana kau study ye. atau memang dilahirkan bijak. sebab aku ni jenis kena pulun kaw kaw study betul2 sampai kena perli-perli dengan kawan sebab aku terlampau pulun, baru aku dpt score. tu aku lah. toward the end result macam hmmpeh. nak macam kau nak 3.9 nak nak nakkkkkkkkkkkkk. tp alhamdulillah. 3 is still begins the number. kalau jatuh smpai 2 mmg aku sebak babe.

dah lah, stop thinking what past, I've 2 more semester left before graduate, I'll try to make sure my CGPA will reach 3.8 dalam sijil nanti. please please all my successful friend, gimme some tips to get it, nadia, nadia atiqah amalina padang. please.


so that's all regarding result exam. next issue will be am going to leave UiTM Kedah. there's pron and cons why am happy and sad leaving kedah. some of my friends knew and some maybe not.

see ya in the next entry maybe nak upload some picture while I've been kedahan since 2006 until 2010. so guys.. "gedix and gadis or uyun", ready with your criticism and power, awful words my dear. am ready to accept.

pesan pesan

apa benda yang buatkan kau rasa macam tak best? kalau aku, aku rasa tak best bila tengok kawan-kawan sedih, susah hati and tak dapat nak tolong lagi-lagi dalam masalah percintaan. kau tahu kenapa. sebab orang bercinta ni kita susah nak menjangka, aku sendiri pun kadang-kadang mcm tu, tapi kalau boleh aku taknak tengok kawan aku menangis dan nampak murung disebabkan pakwe mereka. ceh guna perkataan pakwe, mcm time sekolah. yes disebabkan buah hati mereka. memang ramai yang minta nasihat aku bila ada masalah, dulu aku rasa memang aku suka nak masukkan diri dalam perkara ni semua, tapi bila aku fikir balik, kita tak seharusnya libatkan diri kita tentang benda yang berisiko ni. benda ni risiko kalau kamu semua sedar. so cara terbaik ialah mendengar je lah. sebab kadang-kadang bila bergaduh, si girlfriend ni bukan main ayat kutuk2 boyfriend dia, tak pasal-pasal kita pun terkutuk sama macam lah kita ni kenal lama sangat dengan boyfriend dia. lepas tu tak sampai 1 jam mereka dah berbaik? berbaloi ke dengan air mata and kata-kata kesat yg si girlfriend tu dah luahkan. dan kita pulak macam people in the middle yang macam alamak tadi aku pulak yang bukan main over menambak-nambah keburukan boyfriend dia.

so lepas apa benda yang berlaku dalam kehidupan seharian kita rasanya lebih baik kita menjadi pendengar sebab tak nak terinfluence dengan benda-benda ni. pasal mereka bergaduh, kita pulak tiba-tiba ada bad image towards pasangan kawan kita ni.

dan nasihat aku lepas ni satu je. bersaabarlah, tabah lah ataupun paling panjang is, what the best for you will be the best for me, or things happen for a reason. itu je
sorry la kalau ayat2 ni terkeluar kerap kali dan meng-annoying kan certain people. but we need to be save play. dah besarkan. simpan je cerita masing-masing. simpanlah air mata kita sebab masa akan datang lagi banyak kesedihan dan kegembiraan kita perlu gunakan air mata tu. pendek kata mulakan untuk sayang diri sendiri dulu daripada nak tunjukkan sayang pada orang lain lebih-lebih.

p/s: pesanan di atas adalah peringatan for myself also. not only to show am the good person to give advice but, frankly its for me and please remind me if am forget.

why why

haven't you feel like you yourself doesn't know what you feel. Its emptiness. Or the other words its the thought of meaningless. something like that.

or, pernah tak kau rasa sesuatu yang berbeza dalam sesuatu hubungan tu when your partner keep blaming on you in any way. example like this situation "kau call dia tak angkat-angkat. kau msg pun tak delivered. lepas tu suddenly msg yang kau hantar tadi terus delivered sampai semua and terus dapat call. belum sempat kau nak cakap apa-apa2 dia dah serang bertubi-tubi. huhhh. semua ni salah kau lah kiranya."

letihlah sebenarnya.
ikutkan mood, kalau U rasa nak marah, I lagi double rasa mcm tu,
tak larat la nak berkelahi mcm budak sekolah bercinta. memang tak larat. sorry if teremosi.but it was. is it necessary to share love story or complication of relationship at this area? for me its okay if you watch the language. yang penting tak over. and aku tak perlu nak sakit hati sebab c-box dah buang. so all my enemies are hard able to do criticism or else to use the other name. kalau berani kau tulislah nama penuh. senang I nak detect siapa lah agaknya mereka although am pretty sure they read this among them. eh kenapa tiba2 nak emosi dengan kisah lalu?


of courselah, kau mcm tak boleh nak release benda2 mcm ni because of this lower mind kind of people. this is my place. I never invite you to read, tapi you nak baca jgk and why you throw the bad words to me or you feel satisfied after making people miserable?

could anyone tell me how to be the best for someone that you love?

makan makan

The issue here is: my weight increase to 2 kg. the total weight I would never state. (malu)
The goals here is: am desired to have the ideal body shape. at least 48 kg.
The problem here is: How to loose weight? I love nasi lemak, I love cheese cake, I love pizza, I lack exercise and sleep more.

I dont know how to avoid all the favorite dishes and start to work out. lama sangat dah tak berjogging, plus petang2 selalu hujan. bila dah hujan aktiviti paling memuaskan hati definitely sleep. tunggu apa lagi.

Seriously. saya ada azam. tapi setiap hari azam musnah kerana makanan2 semua. bila dah kenyang baru menyesal kenapa aku makan? bila lapar dalam otak mesti fikir, alah, aku bukan besar sangat pun, buat pe nak tahan lapar kalau sakit. lepas tu bila dah makan mesti fikir, kenapa lah aku makan tadi tak berlimit.

kan dah kata...

atuk

Assalamualaikum and good evening to everyone. it quite a long time I haven't visit my late grandpa's grave. It was the 2 years ago, the last time if I not mistaken and pulah accompanied me went there. And just would to share, I haven't dream him since he go untill yesterday. how to describe the thought when he appear in my dream but unfortunately I can understand what he trying to say and am a bit unclear why it being such.

Actually the story began when I get my sleep back after solat subuh. it was wakeful because got many things play around in my head. nothing important for now its just a silly things that almost teenager often to thinking it of. it might be since someone realize me about something. I was so blissful could understand this earlier am I.

The issue now is what is my atuk try to explain me. I frankly can't understand. the only I remember is, everyone is try to speak with me that moment (in my dream) but I just heard the song by justinBieber "baby by". why? , I just waken and see there's a earphone and the song was played by Hit. fm. yes, aku tak dapat dengar apa atuk aku cakap sebab aku tgh dengar lagu tu.
kindda weird and unlogicable to believe but it was so.

first because, he never appear in my dream. second is suddenly he appeared and say something to me. I remembered how hard he try to speak but I didn't hear it. :(

atuk, is someone who understand me well. He treat me well, he's the one who I can say, I love him more than anyone. people don't understand. but he.. different. he know when am trouble, he pick me up when am hurting. not saying people around me bad. but my childhood different. only certain knew.

Atuk, am sorry.. I miss you terribly, if I can hear what you say, it must be something useful for me atuk. lama dah tak panngil atuk. thanks sudi jaga nur masa kecik2 and selalu be a big backup bila nur kena marah. I have no ones to really understand me since you go atuk.

atuk ingat tak dulu, time tu nur umur 6 tahun, budak-budak kan mulut tak ada insurance, atuk pernah tanya.

atuk: nanti kalau dah kaya nak bawak siapa naik kapal terbang?
aku: bawak umi dengan ayah
atuk: tak nak bawak atuk ke?
aku: emmmm time tu atuk mesti dah tak ada-

sumpah I'll remember this the end because atuk suka perli2 aku pasal ni. and betul la, tak sempat pun atuk nak tengok nur besar. time lepas SPM atuk dah pergi.

Atuk, if it is important, am appreciate if you can comes again. I do miss you. saat-saat yang I need someone to talk and to share. mereka tak faham atuk, mereka fikir lain, tak sama macam mana nur fikir. if I ask for something, doesn't mean I want it now or u have to ready me quickly. I am not that type. people different atuk-

dream in the evening

kalau kau sedih siapa yang kau cari. kalau kau bosan, stress and rasa malas gila nak buat apa-apa, siapa yang kau akan cari.

kalau aku. aku akan teringat katil dan bilik dirumah aku. tempat paling selesa sedunia ialah di rumah sendiri. malaslah nak singkap kisah tension ni lebih lebih. sebab aku bukan budak-budak, how dare you treat me like 5 years kids or you are older enough to give direction . emm kan dah terkeluar issue ni.

takpelah, that it. for me, ignorance is the solution to calm me down. getting cool though pretending to be like nothing happen. its okay. I still can handle this matter.


____________________________________________________________________

okay lets talk about dream. just now I was noticed amalina padang wish list. emm each people may have their own dream and while throughout entire of life. no ones live without goal. though we have destiny we somehow could strive it change to be better. orang miskin takkan biarkan diri mereka papa dan terus kelaparan. its about motivation.

it appear and play around, who motivate you to become who you are. contohnya, kenapa kau nak kurus? jawapan aku, sebab aku jelous bila beli baju, kena cari yang kain cotton, kena tutup lemak, tak nak lah pakai jenis kain yang melekat. hodoh berketak ketak.

okay. according to my dream. start from now. 22 tahun kan,

1. I wish I could be a part of dean list student for every semester and being first honored degree's student. so, there have 2 semester left to struggle to maintain the pointer besides I've to faced abundance of assignment and stressful when dealing with people around. not gonna to blame people, but its normal life. blame and be blaming. its basically on how to solve. face or run. the important thing is now, wait the result of VISA. I prayed everything will going smoothly. as a daughter and the older in sibling, doing internship at oversea is opportunity that I perceived as a anugerah to make them (parent) proud of me. lagipun selama ni aku tak pernah buat apa2 yang membanggakan.

2. lepas dah berjaya mendapat selempang pink yang diidam-idamkan, I do hope any companies outside there giving me a chance to proof my credibility and knowledge to work with them. okay more specific, I hopping I'll work at marketing punya area, buat sales and bercakap. I prefer to do marketing and persuade people to buy product from me rather than have to handle the employee bawah contohnya mcm bahagian HR. emm that's not my major and skill to tolerate with people. I love to speak. pendek kata suka merepek. but I dream to be offered high salary absolutely 3000 above. ceh mcm lah kau teror. tp by graduated je, Im willingness to work at any company. aku tak memilih. (tukang urut memang bukanlah) janji memadai dengan
cost I've spend to go work and it could fulfill my basic need. makan. kereta. hulur pada mak ayah and adik2 and saving. okay itu je. yang penting aku akan apply loan dari mana2 bank untuk byr PTPTN. sebab aku tak nak PTPTN kejar2 aku. hehe. lagipun ramai lagi yang memerlukan duit tu. so aku akn try bayar cash.

3. bila dah ada kerja yang sesuai dan stabil, I think to further studies at master level. major in business. yes business is my therapy. I tried to stop but I couldn't. once you start you will never say good bye from make business. okay, ambik master, of cos kena buat loan kan. my umi allowed me take loan from her as long as its call loan and I've to pay it back. hehe. yelah dah besar panjang kena lah bayar. dah dapat master kan. apa lagi ye?

4. this time I measured my age would turn to late of 20. so this is the right time to getting serious in relationship I guess. (tu pun kalau ada yang berkenan lah kat aku ni) I dream to be married during early of 20 but it just a dream. I wish my dream comes true. gatal. so majlis kahwin tu aku tak nak buat besar-besar. I plan to do on just a basic and based on budget. never let my family be burden of my wedding ceremony. dan perkahwinan aku tu nak colour gray. amboi jauh dah ni..

5. I'll keep searching the job suit with my qualification. maybe this time I would apply to be a lecturer. hehe. ada angan-angan nak mengajar. so by the experience I had, I think it the way to manage my time better when I become a lecturer. I dream to work as lecturer because it have a space time that I could spend on my family and if you work at bank or any other organization, it might need you to spending on 8 hours at office and it definitely would lead to stress and no time left to husband and anak-anak. hoho. lagi jauh berfikir.

6. or else, I dreaming to be a businesswoman though my umi were not agree about that, she believed that business is not promise your future and have no basic income. you have to work hard and highly depend on the business. if it drop, it would kill you and resulted bad financial problem. she said based on her experience handle my ayah problem. frankly saying, you will experience luxury life with Mercedes and bin bungalow and there are many big car in your house, a big amount of money in your bank account, but like im saying early, when the business getting down, it would risk you to be poor than a poor. so am thinking to have my own work at basic salary and have business in the other half , and could handle by family member. business is slightly plan as a backup and to build extra income because as we getting older, we tend to buy more things and spend a lot kan, so I don't think my basic salary could fulfill what am desired.

7. and last but not least. I would be the one who my all younger (jiji, abang, qila, nadia and ilham) could refer on, because im the older from 6 sibling, a big number of sibling, and I need to support them as what my ayah always remind me to do so. tolong jaga adik-adik. aku akan ingat sampai bila2.


8. enjoy the life with my other behalf or called it soul-mate who could take care of me and my family. moreover, I highly appreciated if he could spend his whole life only with me, sharing everything and anything together tidak mengira usia muda mahupun sudah berkedut, accept me for who I am, lead me when I am wrong and guide me when I am lost. but please I begging, don't he ever shouted at me. aku pantang yang tu. kalau nak tegur biarlah berhemah. sebab I was born and living in the silent mode punya keluarga. no jerit and pekik2. kalau kena tegur pun, tak pernah la umi sampai terkeluar anak tekak. I just imagine how slow my voice. serious I can't shout.

9. Emm yang ni, I deserved. I wont let people pikir I nak beriak or tunjuk2. tapi bila sampai masa aku nak sangat ke sana. bersama ahli keluarga. :)


okay selamat petang dan hidup bosan tanpa adamaya. ada 2 minggu lagi before I leave sungai petani and UiTM kedah. sedikit sedih. aapa apa pun. hidup tenang tanpa sampah.