release

sorry, I promise it would be a short note.
it's about what I feel, what others feel.

after all those stupid thing happened in my life, I thought I can change it in order. I thought it easy to make thing back to the track.

but it's not. not that easy that what I perceive. because it involed many party in the same path. it's like watching series movie that would be end, but have conflict and corrupted in the middle. same goes to me now.

I thought everything is over. I want built something new and repair all mistake in the past. after all I found thing would never be the same.

I would not promise to be good as how I am before. I just want to be someone that you can refer to, someone that you can share everything with and be someone that would be there for you no matter what condition you are in.

that's all. I am sorry. again and again sorry. again and again mistake. am just a jerk. CAN'T YOU SEE THAT?

penipu jahanam pergi mati kau

Haha.
tajuk kau gila emosi. tak nak kalah tajuk drama tv mahupun novel kan.
apa cerita nya dengan tajuk di atas ni. macam serious je cik temah.. ye cik lijah.. (singsing lengan baju) nak start mengumpat. hehe

pernah kah kamu dapat msg seperti di bawah?

"ini ayah, tolong bagi credit mexis 30RM ke nombor baru ayah 0128011374. ayah lgi ada masalah kat balai polis. ta payah caal sekejap ayah call."

kalau pernah. korang haruslah berkata "pergi mampus kau binatang"

itu je balasan untuk penipu keparat macam tu.

sebab apa marah sangat ni kak lemah?

sebab nya, kak lemah terkena cik non oi.. (bengang)

ceritanya berbunyi, jiji call aku menangis tanya ayah ada kat mana? aku jawab lah, ayah baru je keluar rumah, tak sampai 5 mins,
dia bgtahu dia dapat msg seperti di atas, lepas tu dia terus suruh kawan dia topupkan nombor baru ayah aku tu (kononnya) rm30.
mestilah dia gelabah, dia tengah kerja buat burger kat burger king, tiba2 dapat msg mcm tu mesti kau akan gabra, siapa tak sayang ayah kan.

then aku pun cuak jugak, nak call ayah aku, tapi takut. aku pun turut sama menangis. alahai kenapa dengan ayah aku, kat balai polis pulak. apa kes? ayah aku terlanggar orang ke. maklumlah, ayah memang dah tak berapa nampak kalau drive. selalu terlanggar tembok sana sini, paling teruk ayah langgar kereta jiran aku. waaa kesiannya ayahh..

atas sebab tu aku dah fikir, takut ayah terlanggar orang. sedih tak ingat dunia. rasa macam apa nak jadi lah mcm ni.

lepas tu, umi tiba-tiba ajak aku ke tesco, nak cari barang. aku yang tengah sedih ni, pretend mcm nothing happen. muka biasa. aku kan pemenang pelakon terbaik. so buat mcm tak ada apa2.

dalam kereta ontheway ke tesco, umi nak msg ayah, nak bagitahu keluar rumah. aku mati-mati menghalang umi supaya jangan msg ayah sebab aku takut ayah ada di balai polis. tapi aku tak bagitahu umi, aku cuma cakap, tak payah la msg ayah, biar je, lagipun kita keluar kejap je kan. umi yang isteri mithali ni tak dengar cakap aku. dia pulak bersyarah pada aku, dia kata, berdosa keluar rumah tanpa pengetahuan suami.

umi pun msg ayah.

dan ayah pun reply okay..
aku pun terus msg jiji suruh dia call ayah aku sebab ayah dag reply msg umi tadi.

jiji call ayah dan tanya ayah aku kat mana and mcm2 soalan yang buatkan ayah aku sendiri confuse.

lepas jiji dah terangkan semua, jiji kena marah dengan ayah. tau kenapa?

first sebab ayah kata "takkan lah ayah type MAXIS tu mexis?, number ke NOMBOR (Lahanat apa kau?) , call ke CAAL (memang cibai). tak sekolah sangat ke ayah aku nak eja mcm tu, tak macam si penipu bangang tu, mesti sekolah tak habis.

yang kedua, sah-sah la ayah aku guna line, kenapa nak suruh topup pulak kan. betul tak.

yang ketiga. takkan jiji tak boleh detect cara penggunaan bahasa msg tadi, dengan msg ayah aku yang selalu??


okay lah, aku letak tempat ni positive side. first, sekali dah kena, lepas ni kau jangan percaya2 dah, apa2 conform dengan ayah aku dulu. second, alhamdulillah dia suruh topup 30, aku rasa kalau dia suruh topup 50, mesti jiji dah minta tlg kawan dia topupkan 50. Kalah gaji sehari jiji kerja part time kat burger king. gaji sehari kerja pun tak sampai RM 50.

siapa tak sayang ayah? korang pun mesti tak boleh nak berfikir dengan jelas kalau benda ni jadi pada kau orang. tambah2 msg tu kata AYAH. lain lah kalau korang panggil ayah korang abah ke, baba ke, papa ke, daddy ke, memang pelik lah kalau korang dapat msg mcm tu kan.

aku tak salahkan jiji lah. aku rasa dia terlampau risau tak boleh nak fikir. so. si penipu. tahniah lah! anda menang rm30. kesian.

kesian weh. takkan pakcik din ni eja MEXIS. itu line jepun kot. Malaysia ada Maxis je.

kalau budak baju oren ni, aku percaya la jugak. dia boleh jadi eja Maxis ke Maxas ke. kan?

my week-ends

hye hye. I'm here, at UMSC as usual, waiting till 12.00 p.m. it's been 4 hour to complete the dialysis therapy, but it's okay. I'm fine with it. I enjoyed belonging him ( my ayah ) to hospital 3 times a week. because I don't know when I can help him out after this, plus if my visa approved, I can go to Paris at the end of dec. so, this is the only opportunity I have before my practical oversea being started.

for the today post, practical is not the topic that keen me of to share, it just MUKADDIMAH, as I don't know what to write at the first place. blank to do anything. it just that, I bring laptop here so that I'm not too bored waiting for 4 hour.

first of all, I would apologize to everyone that I hurt, I break my promise to them. some of u maybe feel it. like what I see, I realize, it's look like am change. am not so sure which part. but in real, I changed. honestly saying, I'm not intend to do so. like for example, promise people to do this and that for them, promise to help them to go here and there, but I end up with do nothing for them. I'm so sorry. I would do if I could. Seriously if I could, I would help as possible as I can.

time is so fast goes fly by. I even don't have a proper plan to do something to be better. times always ruined my plan..I always late. is it all about blame time to short or you yourself doesn't learned how to be well prepared? and in the end, I break my plan with some of friends. like what happen last week. am planning to bring her (eja)to survey practical places and area and to others (eyno), I promise to hang out at friday. and how could I forget that I should be at alya's home at friday to prepare stuff to sell at bazaar. I promise her to tagging the price and packing the stuff properly, so that it wouldn't waste the space of the bag that we would bring later. am so sorry.

me even couldn't remember that tomorrow is friday( last week). I thought tomorrow is thurday. how ridiculous I am to forget all those important thing which am supposed to remember it well. yes, break your promises is the worst thing you shouldn't do. but I did it frequently. not one, it twice and repeat again. so don't promise if you're not conform that you can fulfill it.


so, what's happening during my weekends? here are some photo that could story you about my weekends all about. tell you, it been tiring.. but fun and enjoy. tak ada lah kaya mana, but worth it if I could manage it better. unfortunately it wasn't. hahaha.

second day. senyum la jugak walaupun mengantuk gila baaab. buktinya tengok muka alya jelah.

first day just like first love is coming to give him helps. thank you la shaipullahh

it was second day (sunday) aku tengah layan brother tu. gf dia beli baju aku 6 helai. awesomeness. senyum sampai telinga :)

just to show you our picture with yuna (bukan uyun) and hannah. they came to support us. cehh. padahal tak pun. frankly, hannah is really beautiful as beauty she is at the picture.

yasmin yasmin. new friend. after this we might see her for the next bazaar.

see!! pulah senyum. the real, without any editing, pulah just being himself when there's girl in front of.

we sell accessories instead of clothes and shoes.

ni first day, masa ni tak crowd lagi, and we were earlier than other seller, time tgh set up tempat. muka pun sardin sebab letih angkat barang.

that's all for this time. maybe ptg ni, esok lusa, tulat, tulut or tulot update lagi lah. see you till next post. :)

AISHITERU ( Menunggu )-by ZIVILIA BAND

When your too in love to let it go… but if you never try then you’ll never know just who you were :I

uneasiness

Apa lagi? ada dalam hati ni. aku benci. sumpah aku tak minta rasa ni. It might be punishment against my action. I promise I would never ever let this feeling fall me down again. I hate it. hate it as much as I'm gonna hate you.

I know, it not supposed to be inside. I should get rid off earlier. but as others said. it's a game. you still wanna try it up. still wanna chase it though.

but why? why me? and because of it, I betray him, who love me much. everything is just a fake.

here, I learned new thing, new type of people, and it's me my self again have to deeply looking it at. probably, the big mistakes seems to be hard to recover. but I wish it would be soon. hopefully not too soon cause I couldn't hold it on. the strength is not there, top of wishlist is to make you happy. you and you happy. everyone deserve to be happy including me.


there's always going to be those 4 different guys in your life

Guy #1: your best friend.
He’s there for you, always. He would never let you down, cares about you, comforts you when you’re down, protects you when you’re put down. He would never betray you. Keep him.

Guy #2: the player.
You can’t help but to fall for him. He seems to do everything right, so you think you love him. In the end, you find out he played you, lied to you, used you, and probably didn’t really even care about you. Forget him.

Guy #3: the enemy.
The one who would do ANYTHING just to bring you down. He’ll humiliate you, judge you, embarrass you, anything he can do just to make you feel smaller than what you are. Ignore him.

Guy #4: your soul mate.
Often turns out to be you’re best friend. He tells you how it is, even if you don’t want to hear the truth. He’ll hold you, kiss you, protect you, and love you no matter what. You can talk to him about anything. He’ll see you at your worst and still think you’re beautiful. He’s there for you no matter what. Love him.


YOU, no words can tells how bad I am, hurting you much. break the promise often,
and never realize that you'll always be there for me. I'm just blind. one day, would be my day. to go through the pain. I understand hardest thing in your life is to chasing my smile back to you. To switch the feeling back. to make everything back to normal. It was my fault. sorry I just can't. thanks for giving me a chance to change.

bosnia. belgium and mana lagiii?

hey.. sorry it's been a month I'm leaving this blog. why? emm some maybe know the reason, some might assume I'm not updated people. as to let you know, have a blog doesn't mean you have to update everyday and telling people every single things happen in your life. for me, I write something that I think good to share and listen.

okay2 back to the motive am writing. guess what?
yes,, actually aku dah tahu result practical aku since last month. cuma malas nak tulis and time tu tengah final exam. so semangat nak bersembang panjang is not there. campur dengan masalah jiwa lagi. okay stop talking about hati and jiwa. gonna talk to it later or not talking about it at all.

tadi siang. lepaas hantar ayah ke PPUM. aku ada meeting dengan semua student yang bakal practical ke oversea. meeting held at 9.00 a.m and I reached there at 7.30. yelah lepas hantar ayah ke PJ. Then tak tahu nak pergi mana terus ke UITM. tidur dalam kereta. alarm bunyi 8.40 terus pergi meeting room.

what's up at meeting room? actually I am honored be one of them. although I'm new here and I think I was wrong. I put low expectation towards the practical management team. but it's actually me myself have wrong direction at the first place. they are great master and helpful team. seriously. tabikkkk springgg.. okay okay. it's been past. move what's up today.

first of all. congratulation to 3 of my friends. amalina padang, nadiah atiqah and che nurul jannah. 2 of them going to BOSNIA. and mellow going to BELGIUM. woooww. sounds good and excitement feeling for them. same goes to others.

me.. insyallah going to FRANCE. thanks to Matrade for the opportunity given. aku tak sangka setahap ni aku diberi tuah oleh yang maha esa. semua ni untuk parents aku. memang bukan untuk aku. I'm just focal point to reach their dreams. yes to see their first daughter fly to oversea. memang bukan study or apa. this is one of opportunity for me cause I know I may not be there with my own money. itu yang penting. haha. since Uitm ni berbesar hati nak sponsor. ALHAMDULILLAH..

mereka2 yang nak fly 26th ni boleh la ready. aku lambat lagi. because MATRADE required me to do practical training at KL a month before I further my internship at their regional branch later. thank you so much.

and stage yang paling berdebar is VISA. aku takut tak lepas macam masa aku apply ke US dulu. ohh kalau tak lepas. mean I've to be here, just here. takpe. rezeki is everywhere. Allah kalau nak bagi, sekelip mata dia bagi. tapi kalau bukan hak kita. sejauh mana kita try. memang tak akan dapat. so be redha.

for the time being itu sahaja. sememangnya banyak sangat untuk di share. life getting tough day to day. should enhance my strengthen in order to be adaptive person. sebab aku ni memang lambat. dalam apa jua. nampak je cekal. but reality nya I'm not.

okay okay. gotta go. nak tolong umi potong2 sayur. esok kan raya haji..
selamat hari raya aidiladha :)