dream in the evening

kalau kau sedih siapa yang kau cari. kalau kau bosan, stress and rasa malas gila nak buat apa-apa, siapa yang kau akan cari.

kalau aku. aku akan teringat katil dan bilik dirumah aku. tempat paling selesa sedunia ialah di rumah sendiri. malaslah nak singkap kisah tension ni lebih lebih. sebab aku bukan budak-budak, how dare you treat me like 5 years kids or you are older enough to give direction . emm kan dah terkeluar issue ni.

takpelah, that it. for me, ignorance is the solution to calm me down. getting cool though pretending to be like nothing happen. its okay. I still can handle this matter.


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okay lets talk about dream. just now I was noticed amalina padang wish list. emm each people may have their own dream and while throughout entire of life. no ones live without goal. though we have destiny we somehow could strive it change to be better. orang miskin takkan biarkan diri mereka papa dan terus kelaparan. its about motivation.

it appear and play around, who motivate you to become who you are. contohnya, kenapa kau nak kurus? jawapan aku, sebab aku jelous bila beli baju, kena cari yang kain cotton, kena tutup lemak, tak nak lah pakai jenis kain yang melekat. hodoh berketak ketak.

okay. according to my dream. start from now. 22 tahun kan,

1. I wish I could be a part of dean list student for every semester and being first honored degree's student. so, there have 2 semester left to struggle to maintain the pointer besides I've to faced abundance of assignment and stressful when dealing with people around. not gonna to blame people, but its normal life. blame and be blaming. its basically on how to solve. face or run. the important thing is now, wait the result of VISA. I prayed everything will going smoothly. as a daughter and the older in sibling, doing internship at oversea is opportunity that I perceived as a anugerah to make them (parent) proud of me. lagipun selama ni aku tak pernah buat apa2 yang membanggakan.

2. lepas dah berjaya mendapat selempang pink yang diidam-idamkan, I do hope any companies outside there giving me a chance to proof my credibility and knowledge to work with them. okay more specific, I hopping I'll work at marketing punya area, buat sales and bercakap. I prefer to do marketing and persuade people to buy product from me rather than have to handle the employee bawah contohnya mcm bahagian HR. emm that's not my major and skill to tolerate with people. I love to speak. pendek kata suka merepek. but I dream to be offered high salary absolutely 3000 above. ceh mcm lah kau teror. tp by graduated je, Im willingness to work at any company. aku tak memilih. (tukang urut memang bukanlah) janji memadai dengan
cost I've spend to go work and it could fulfill my basic need. makan. kereta. hulur pada mak ayah and adik2 and saving. okay itu je. yang penting aku akan apply loan dari mana2 bank untuk byr PTPTN. sebab aku tak nak PTPTN kejar2 aku. hehe. lagipun ramai lagi yang memerlukan duit tu. so aku akn try bayar cash.

3. bila dah ada kerja yang sesuai dan stabil, I think to further studies at master level. major in business. yes business is my therapy. I tried to stop but I couldn't. once you start you will never say good bye from make business. okay, ambik master, of cos kena buat loan kan. my umi allowed me take loan from her as long as its call loan and I've to pay it back. hehe. yelah dah besar panjang kena lah bayar. dah dapat master kan. apa lagi ye?

4. this time I measured my age would turn to late of 20. so this is the right time to getting serious in relationship I guess. (tu pun kalau ada yang berkenan lah kat aku ni) I dream to be married during early of 20 but it just a dream. I wish my dream comes true. gatal. so majlis kahwin tu aku tak nak buat besar-besar. I plan to do on just a basic and based on budget. never let my family be burden of my wedding ceremony. dan perkahwinan aku tu nak colour gray. amboi jauh dah ni..

5. I'll keep searching the job suit with my qualification. maybe this time I would apply to be a lecturer. hehe. ada angan-angan nak mengajar. so by the experience I had, I think it the way to manage my time better when I become a lecturer. I dream to work as lecturer because it have a space time that I could spend on my family and if you work at bank or any other organization, it might need you to spending on 8 hours at office and it definitely would lead to stress and no time left to husband and anak-anak. hoho. lagi jauh berfikir.

6. or else, I dreaming to be a businesswoman though my umi were not agree about that, she believed that business is not promise your future and have no basic income. you have to work hard and highly depend on the business. if it drop, it would kill you and resulted bad financial problem. she said based on her experience handle my ayah problem. frankly saying, you will experience luxury life with Mercedes and bin bungalow and there are many big car in your house, a big amount of money in your bank account, but like im saying early, when the business getting down, it would risk you to be poor than a poor. so am thinking to have my own work at basic salary and have business in the other half , and could handle by family member. business is slightly plan as a backup and to build extra income because as we getting older, we tend to buy more things and spend a lot kan, so I don't think my basic salary could fulfill what am desired.

7. and last but not least. I would be the one who my all younger (jiji, abang, qila, nadia and ilham) could refer on, because im the older from 6 sibling, a big number of sibling, and I need to support them as what my ayah always remind me to do so. tolong jaga adik-adik. aku akan ingat sampai bila2.


8. enjoy the life with my other behalf or called it soul-mate who could take care of me and my family. moreover, I highly appreciated if he could spend his whole life only with me, sharing everything and anything together tidak mengira usia muda mahupun sudah berkedut, accept me for who I am, lead me when I am wrong and guide me when I am lost. but please I begging, don't he ever shouted at me. aku pantang yang tu. kalau nak tegur biarlah berhemah. sebab I was born and living in the silent mode punya keluarga. no jerit and pekik2. kalau kena tegur pun, tak pernah la umi sampai terkeluar anak tekak. I just imagine how slow my voice. serious I can't shout.

9. Emm yang ni, I deserved. I wont let people pikir I nak beriak or tunjuk2. tapi bila sampai masa aku nak sangat ke sana. bersama ahli keluarga. :)


okay selamat petang dan hidup bosan tanpa adamaya. ada 2 minggu lagi before I leave sungai petani and UiTM kedah. sedikit sedih. aapa apa pun. hidup tenang tanpa sampah.