first day working

my first day in MATRADE Paris.

Ilya farhana, bakal assistance miss Diana. heheh

hye, I come back. to share what was happened my first day arriving to office. I don't know where to start but frankly there's a lots of story to tell you especially how loser I am in the new place.

I think I'm getting homesick and miss my home town. everything seems to be hard when you're in the new place and it's even harder if the language be a barrier because it limit you from had any conversation with people here. seriously I've no idea why i'm selected to be send to Paris. if Ilya, I know, she can speak a little bit french because of she took french subject during her diploma.. what to do, this is what we call the real life, meet new people, make a new friends, learn new thing and what so off.

what made me down this morning? okay lets imagine, yourself in the new place where you don't know anybody, you can't understand their language, the only you have that time is your friend which you deeply depend on.

in the morning on working days usually ramai orang and they are like wearing the same color of coat and jacket which is black color.. time masuk train berebut2, I just enter the train without turning back and hopefully Ilya will behind me. and the time I have my seat, 5 minutes I wait for her but she not come in, I seat at upstairs inside the train and I was like terribly nervous because Ilya suddenly was not around. basically she will follow me and she know that I only have her to refer where to go, where is the next station. tell you the truth, the words and pronunciation in french is different. I know it was my fault not prepare anything before coming here. and because of that, I'd to learn french.

Only ALLAH know how I felt this morning. I was walking around here and there inside the train to find Ilya, what come across in my mind is that, I haven't any contact number, I don't know how to speak french, I'll be cheating by anybody. and that time people like staring me. sumpah I macam nak gila kejap. I was wondering is Ilya take the same train with me or not. or she just wait another train and definitely I take wrong train.

and after 5 minutes looking her around, finally I found her sitting behind the stair. I look at her. she look at me and smile while saying " hye.. kenapa? takut?"
and I want to kill her that time because she just intend to leave me. she said I should be independent. yes I admit better for me to depend on myself but give me some time at least 2 weeks in Paris before I can familiarize the station and place to go to stop. okay done with the drama in the morning.


masuk office, first day report duty, staff and boss okay, total staff is only 4 and office condition is good, and my office is in the center of Paris, near by LV. tapi mampu tgk je, nak masuk tu maybe 20 years later. sekarang aku nafas tersekat-sekat. haha. but serious, if I have extra money, I would shopping my stuff here, because if to compare the price and quality, paris stuff is better. saje promote sebab H&M bawah office aku je.


after been introduced with the staff and task given, I on my desktop, semangat dapat tempat sendiri and excited to complete task given. owwww owwwww... my desktop like all in french. ahhaha. either it would be good or not i'm not sure. but since I familiar with the step, and the picture, I still can search and click.

the challenging when all data, website that I search, it come into french. I've to translate it one by one into one sentence, tak tahu sama ada nak gelak or nak tension. sebab I 'm new here and yet don't know french, but everything is in french. memang mencabar french ni, means, I should take french class so that I can speak, I can read, I can write, and France people won't look me down. tak ada lah kau asyik nak ber-bonjour je setiap masa kan


habis kerja, what to say, its maybe my terrible day. I can't use my card. can't pass the entrance. Ilya dah lepas dah. I go to counter and said "my train card can't excess". the lady in the counter like joking around with me. she just laughing at me with her friends. so stressful when you know you're being fool around. "kad aku tak boleh guna lah GOBLOKKKK" Terus keluar melayu campur jawa. dalam hati cakap "kalau aku nampak muka kau kat malaysia siap lah" ceh macam aku polis sekarang. hmm

the real is I felt down, stress besides have low self esteem and less confident to stay longer in france just because of the language. but inside me, I hardly want to learn french. I want to be accepted in the community, not just like stranger for them. or might be I'm wearing scarf, yes, I know it would be one of the reason why france people don't like me. so should I change my appearance. no. it won't be happen. memang masa sebelum datang I was thinking this thing, even my boss at HQ advice me to find other way to cover my head. I just comfortable what I wear. it just me. I want to be myself, I won't to be anybody else anymore. I come here alone and pray Allah will always be my side. anything happened or gonna be happen, I believe his existence to protect me no matter what.

on the way back from office, I seat alone and was thinking what is actually I want in my life.

Since Ilya asked me where's country that I actually dreamed to go for internship, from that, I start think. Ever since, I haven't any specific dream, I didn't decide anything based on something and even I won't do everything just to get one thing.


okay, lets start from my primary school. I'm the best student for this and that, tak percaya? tanya UYUN. kawan sekolah rendah aku. merangkap pengkritik tetap blog aku. is it true I'm good in primary school? hahaha kan dia angguk.

and when it turn to secondary school, my class start from the back. senang cakap I'm part of the problem student in school. I hate monday, because of assembly and I was the one be attacked. Indeed, intention to go to school is to see my boyfriend. that time puppy love lah. I lap you, u lap me. haha

okay, when I was broke up with my super super ex-bf, and my spm result was totally bad, I didn't put much expect to further study and just focus 7eleven near by my house. time tu kira rm800 dah cukup hebat lah gaji.

or maybe berkat doa mak ayah, I can further diploma at UITM. time tu orientation nyanyi lagu UITM dihati ku. bangga nak mati. siap record and save. balik rumah bagi adik2 dengar. hahaha. loser gila.

okay, just skip diploma story, move to my bachelor life. still same. I never thought that thing would be change in bachelor time. I decide everything by myself. example is, the course I take, since diploma lagi. semua aku decide sendiri. yes, I still remember my friend, Nizam, he asked me to change my top course that I used to choose before is law. I put law as the top and business study in 4th. ada hati nak ambik law. english berterabuk. grammar like hell. but as someone told me, kita bukan orang putih, so its no harm to speak wrong just same like bangladesh speak malay. see that? at last I put business study as top ranking over 7 option. alhamdulillah dapat business study. and further to marketing. reason?

hahaa. when we talk about reason. Ilya asked me, why you take business study and then marketing? I look at her as ambitious young lady who high knowledgeable enough to say everything because she like know everything hehehe (ni sumpah lahir dari hati) and I proud to know her. even though she lead me in whatever decision have been made since I knew her, I don't mind because as far as I concern it relevant, I can accept. and every single question fill different meaning.

okay, back the reason. honestly and tell you truth, I have no reason for whatever I decided in my life. can say that I last minutes and a bit slow type of person. haha.

back to her question, it make me wonder why I take this, why I choose this instead of that. and so many why? but till now I haven't the answer why I take business study and marketing course. okay. the next question is why you choose M-A-T-R-A-D-E. perghh kalah soalan M-A-T-R-A-D-E HR Director. okaylah, this the answer, Most probably because of my course is closely related with matrade operation and activities. teror tak jawab?

tapi jawapan ilya panjang.. okay. I see her as my kakak lah senang. memang semua kakak aku. sebab aku tak ada kakak, apart from that, I'm typically of slow person that wanted to be lead. so sesuai lah. and even alya and mira pun aku rasa kakak aku. because I love when people lead me in order for me to lead other people around after that. as what she and the others said to me, dalam hidup ni mesti ada sebab. without having a goal, its hard for you to score. okay, sekarang nak target apa? nak kahwin umur berapa. boleh? haha. for me, what I've decided before, is followed my heart. and just go through the road no matter what, because you decide it to be, so let it be.


okay, I think that's all for today. wish tomorrow will be better than today. before I forget to tell you one thing, is about shoes, I hate going to office with this shoes, but I have no option. it look annoyed right? teringat kasut I berlambak kat Malaysia. akhirnya aku pakai yang ni jugak pergi kerja. apakah pua-chu-kang diri ku ini.

BYE. semoga tak gelabah esok. :)